The sugar-coating of modern parenting

‘I got loads of ‘clouts’ and ‘belts’ both at home and at school,’ is an affirmation that half the population of Ireland can identify with. But it is the sentence supplement which often follows and which is at least open to debate; ‘and it never done (did) me any harm’.

How do you know that it did you no harm? Ok, so you did well enough in life, but how do you know what you might have been had you not received corporal punishment at home and at school?

I don’t have the answers – only an opinion. My opinion on this one is rather garbled. While I am totally opposed to any form of child abuse, there is a belief in some informed quarters that a short, [harmless] slap at the time of the offence is far more effective in controlling bad behaviour and is fairer than delayed punishment delivered later while the child is ‘good’. Full of contradictions, I know; and the other one is that while I was slapped as a child and in my turn, gave my own children the odd mild ‘reminder’ on the backside, I would never dream of laying a hand on a grandchild. Whether this is an acquired wisdom or due to the welcome change in society – again, I don’t know.

But children have to grow up knowing that there are rules and that there should be consequences for breaking those rules.

I enjoy the company of children – some more so than others – but I love observing and listening to their honest commentary on the life they see around them. We have written here on a few occasions of the funny ‘come-outs’ ‘out of the mouth of babes.’ I have one fresh one for you, before we return to our main story.

While my arm was in a sling a couple of months ago, I took the train to a hospital appointment in Dublin. A mother, granny and a boy aged about three boarded the train in Maynooth and sat across from me. The boy sat opposite Granny and a little while into the journey she asked; “And what happened to your knee, Dean?” “I fell, Granny.” “And where did you fall?” “Everywhere!” was the one-word answer to that one.

Dean, then after eyeing up me and my sling for a while, finally asked: “Where did you fall?”

There is terrible trouble out there caused by children who never had to pay any heed to the word ‘no’. Children need rules, they need consequences for breach of rules and they need discipline. Enforced rules give a child a greater sense of security.

If you let a bunch of hungry yearling calves out to a field of lush green grass, what is the first thing those animals will do? Start eating? No… the first thing the calves will do is to run around the perimeter fence; examine their confinement; check for a possible weakness in the rules and decide what they might get away with later on. That is nature – and it is the same with children. For a child to be ‘bold’ is the most natural thing in the world. It is when they realise there are no fences that the problems start.

Shopkeepers are going out of business, closing down, because they cannot contend with the level of lawlessness from groups of children as young as 10. The ones a year or two older steal whatever they want, knowing that even if the gardaí arrive, nothing will be done to them. Complaints by retailers to gardaí have increased by 14% again this year. That is because there are no effective deterrents. One robbery-plagued store in Dundalk tells of a particular offender the owner reported 100 times over three years and nothing was done until the kid, emboldened by his success, pulled a knife at 16. Then he was put away… but why could something not have been done sooner?

The above is the extreme end of the problem, and thank God, I don’t believe any of our readers will have to contend with the fruits of such rearing. But what about low-level lack of control in supermarkets, restaurants, churches, schools – and nothing being done, no matter how badly the disruption affects others.

The line I hear these days from parents of out of control children is; ‘that’s it… no more fizzy drinks… if that’s what the sugar is doing to you’. That is for the benefit of those being bothered by the brats. In other words, it has nothing to do with the parents and you might consider getting on to Berkshire Hathaway – one of the major shareholders in Coca Cola.

My brothers and I got our sugar rush from shovelling sugar out of the sugar bowl into our mouths. We ‘stole’ so much sugar that we used have to tell it in confession when Fr Smith or Fr Brady heard our confession every second Friday in the school.

My sugar intake never saved me from a ‘skelp’ when I earned it!

Don’t Forget

A switch in time saves crime.