Open letter to Minister Norma Foley

Dear Minister Foley,

Fair f… f… I mean fair dues to you. What a delightful sight to see almost all of this year’s Leaving Cert class jumping up and down with joy on getting their results. The individual figures included 7.5% additional marks given out for nothing; how could anybody not be happy and what could go wrong? And it’s only right that everybody be equal… same as every child participating in a school’s sport-day race now has to get a medal… the same medal as the winner.

Leaving Certificate results have been artificially boosted due to the disruptions students endured when studying towards this end. Great stuff and everybody is happy – except the universities. They will have to do random selection from a group with nearly all having the same points total. Watch for drop-outs in the coming years, as applicants are accepted for courses above what they are suited to. But not to worry… for now everybody is beside themselves with excitement; and even the Lads in the pub are whipping copies of Leaving Cert results out of their breast pockets and boasting to the barmaid about where Johnny got his brains.

Fairness demands that the pitch be leveled to include every student who was ever disrupted in his or her exam preparation. I wish to lobby you, Minister, seeing as that you are so sympathetic regarding the ramification of disruption leading up to exams. The only state exam I ever sat was the 1958 Primary Cert and I’d like you to have a look at it… if its disruption you’re after. My studies were significantly affected during not one, but for a couple of, years leading up to the test. I speak for all the boys in my class in Johnstown NS when I appeal to you that our results should be artificially enhanced due to the disruption we suffered.

Being the eldest in my family, I was kept home from school at the drop of a hat. I had to ‘drop spuds’, ‘wheel turf’, mind the baby… or sometimes be grounded when a brother had taken off for school in my boots. We walked to school and often had to carry a sod of turf to give the impression that the school could be warmed. No school meals for us; our lunch was two slices of home-baked bread stuck together with a plaster of country butter.

My father worked as a carter for Westmeath County Council, along with Judy, our Clydesdale mare. Because Judy couldn’t be done without – or the workers wouldn’t have the gravel to fill the potholes, Daddy couldn’t get time off work for saving our own turf, planting potatoes, making hay, or calving cows. We employed a stand-in to cover for Daddy’s absence – and I was the stand-in’s personal assistant.

Jack Murtagh was that man and the problem there was that Jack had to be caught sober to coincide with the job on hand. That meant I rarely knew in advance when I would be kept home from school. So, Minister, you can clearly see that my education was disrupted… but I am confident that you will fix it now by amending the results upwards; 66 years is a long time to wait for justice.

I hadn’t intended bringing this up, but you owe me a favour, Minister. Sometime after your promotion, I wrote to you suggesting that you stop saying ‘you know’ before answering a question put to you by an interviewer on RTÉ. I pointed out that the reason you were asked the ceist was we weren’t supposed to know before you answered. No… no… not at all. You’re most welcome… but every favour done in politics is eventually called in… I want the 1958 Primary Cert results enhanced, please.

In fairness to myself, I did ok in the exam, despite all the disruptions. That is totally with thanks to a fellow county man of yours, Master Lawlor. In fact, due to the Kerry influence, I got the highest marks in Johnstown School for the 1958 ‘Primary’. Kindly consider what a bit of ‘artificial adjustment upwards’ could do with that paper.

Seeing what you have done for this year’s Leaving Cert class, none of whom had to take a cow to the bull before school; surely you can enhance the 1958 Johnstown School Primary Cert results in proportion? I know that ‘justice delayed is justice denied’, but it is also better late than never.

I wish you the best of luck in the forthcoming general election… if you get my drift, like!

An oul arts degree would suit me just fine – and I wouldn’t have to do anything with it.

Don’t Forget

It is a thousand times better to have common sense without an education than to have an education without common sense.